


All We Know

by TheRealLifeCath



Series: Use Your Words [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Hurricane, I apologise, M/M, Part 3, Sad Ending, Series, Song fic, The Empty, The empty took cas, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-31 01:05:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21029390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRealLifeCath/pseuds/TheRealLifeCath
Summary: Cas wakes in happiness, the happiness he knows will kill him.So he leaves, leaves Dean's comfort to die alone, away from the human he loves.





	All We Know

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise in advance for the angst. Not meaning to make anyone sad... but yeah I have a whole plan for this series so bear with me. 
> 
> Fic is inspired by a song, just like the first two parts. This time it's inspired by Fleurie's 'Hurricane'. If you want a better understanding of the fic, listen to the song. I promise you it's a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Cas wakes to fingers sliding through his hair.

The soft pads of fingers press lightly into his skin beneath the chocolate-coloured strands. 

And he wonders, briefly, when he stopped thinking the features of his vessel as Jimmy’s, but as his.

He hums, moving his head forward, into the touch, appreciating the heck out of the act of affection.

There’s a warmth - another hand - over his waist, slipping down to his hip bone gripping tightly - briefly - before moving back up. 

There’s a feeling in his chest, warm like the hands on his body - soft and tender.

It takes a second for him to register the feeling as contentment, as the feeling of home, of safety and comfort.

It  _ takes _ him a second because he hasn’t... he hasn’t felt that in so long. 

They’re feelings that were left neglected, tucked away in some tightly sealed box - forgotten and faded - only used and felt once in his long angel life.

But now... now they are shining brightly - solid neon colours - taking hold in his chest. 

It chokes him up, overwhelms him completely. 

Before he can stop it there’s desperation rising in his throat, and tears spilling out, down his cheeks. 

A sob, a broken,  _ vulnerable _ , sob falls from his lips and he doesn’t understand how...

How can he feel so happy, so content, yet so broken inside? How... he should’ve been more careful, about his happiness, when he felt it. 

Because now, he’s burdened - he’s going to burden Dean - like he always does. 

“Cas?” It’s a small whisper, a question - full of concern and worry and everything that makes Cas feel guilty over.

He opens his eyes, meets apple green ones, and his heart aches. 

Dean... his eyebrows are furrowed, and there’s a frown on his lips. Concern, it’s concern that Cas recognises on the hunter’s features.

While Cas is processing in his head what to tell Dean, the hand that was previously in Cas’ hair, retreats to Dean’s body.

“I’m fine,” a lie, quickly accompanied by his own hand wiping away his own tears. 

He breathes a deep, shaky breath, then smiles, pretending to be fine. Pretending like he always is.

Dean looks unsure, wary, understandably. 

Cas reaches out, places a reassuring hand on Dean’s shoulder - hand fitting to where the handprint mark used to be.

Dean's eyes soften. 

“I’m fine, Dean I... I just had a bad dream, that’s all,” Cas moves his hand down, further and further until his fingers lace through Dean’s.

Dean sighs, closes his eyes, and leans his head forward, resting it against Cas’.

Fragile. 

Cas, realises in that moment, just how fragile it all is. 

How, if he spoke the wrong word or at all, or if he moved - his hands or his head - the moment, there with Dean, could break. 

Could shatter. 

So Cas doesn’t move or speak, for a while. 

He just waits, with his hand in Deans, and the hunter's warmth in his vicinity. He takes in the beauty of the moment, remembers every single part of Dean that makes him, well, him.

Then when Dean's breaths against his lips turn from uneven to steady and slow, Cas moves, shattering the fragile moment.

He pulls away, letting Dean's head fall against the pillow, and then presses a kiss to Dean's head. 

Cas wants to stay, wants to shower Dean in kisses, wants to hold him tight, protect him, love him, he wants - it doesn’t matter what he wants.

Because he can feel it, the sight of Dean - his peaceful sleep - in his chest, and it’s making his heart glow with happiness he didn’t know he could feel. 

He must go. 

It can’t happen here, not while Deans in a peaceful slumber right next to him. 

He has to leave. 

So Cas sits up, goes to leave, to walk out quickly but he stops short, eyes fixed on the human - his human. 

He leans in one more time and kisses the bridge of Dean's nose. 

“I love you, Dean, I’ve said it before but not when I wasn’t dying with blood pouring from my chest and a prince of hell after us,” he says, voice quiet, a small smile on his face from the chaotic memory of that hunt gone wrong.

“I love you... you make me happier than I ever thought I could be,” he presses his chapped lips to Dean’s soft ones. “And I... I wish things would’ve ended differently but...”

_ I can’t take back the deal I made.  _

That’s what he thinks, what could’ve left his mouth if the lump in his throat didn’t stop him. 

He pushes his body - forces himself to sit back up, move away, make his hand leave Dean’s... 

It takes less than a minute for Cas to get dressed and leave the bedroom, leave the bunker. 

When he reaches his car, parked by the dirt road - covered in sunlight, he feels it - the shift in the air. 

And then he’s falling, to his knees, choking on  _ something _ .

_ "Who are you?" the man - the Righteous man - speaks, and Castiel finds it interesting, strange that he doesn't remember who he is.  _

He coughs, he splutters, and black goo drops from his mouth, forming a pool of it on the ground. 

_ He can feel it, just like Anna told it to be... doubt. Doubt in heaven but its more than that. The human in his charge, he can feel the tug - the unwanted pull that causes the doubt. For the first time ever, he doesn't know if heaven is his duty, his fate... instead when he thinks of purpose, he thinks of the older Winchester, and he's terrified.  _

His heart constricts, his lungs lose air, and he continues to choke.

_ He steps, forward, a hand on his shoulder, a meaningful look in those green eyes. "Don't ever change," he says, and Cas' heart skips a beat.  _

Hands firmly placed on the ground, he lets the darkness take him, eat out his insides leaving his vessel - his body - to fall empty on the road. 

_ "I was there, where were you?" The fire - the holy fire - is cramping him into the vessel, making his skin raw, and his wings heavy... but it's still not the worst pain. No, that's a spot taken up by those six words that left Dean's mouth.  _

His heart rate is dropping, and he can't breathe - not really. Its all choked, gasping gulps of air, trying - desperately to breathe. 

_ "Don't make me lose you too," Cas' resolve falters at those words. Dean's eyes beg, and Cas falters some more.  _

But... there's no air, not anymore, not in his lungs, he can only feel a liquid, most likely the black goo, filling his lungs. 

_ Dean looks at him, "I'd rather have you, cursed or not." It's then that he realizes that Dean's not yet lost hope, in him, in the broken angel he's become. It's then he realises exactly what his feelings for the human are - love. He's in love with Dean. _

He looks around, blurred vision scanning the area around him. The clouds are dark now, covering the sky - sun hidden behind them. 

_ He screams at Naomi, to stop, to let him free from her hold, so he can stop, so his fists can stop being the cause of Dean's pain. He can't kill Dean - Dean who's gripping his arm tight, Dean who's saying things like 'you're family' and 'I need you'... Cas... he needs Dean too.  _

He's definitely not breathing, and his body is quickly shutting down, systems failing too quickly to process. 

_ "You just gave up an entire army for one guy." Cas almost scoffs, because he'd do it again, and again, and again, given the chance.  _

He closes his eyes, for a moment, and lets the peace come. He stops struggling, stops trying to breathe, and focusing on the fall of his organs. 

_ "It's a gift, you keep those." _

There's a distant noise, presumably coming from the bunker. He knows, then, that Dean is awake. 

_ "We're just better together." _

Dean will be too late. 

_ Cas wants to wake up every morning like this, with Dean asleep, peacefully, on his chest.  _

The last thing he sees is the sun before the black covers his vision. 

_ Cas wants to kiss Dean forever, it's an addicting action that he can't get enough of.  _

The last thing he hears... is Dean. 

_ His soul, the Righteous man's soul, is gorgeous, breathtaking... the most beautiful Cas has ever seen.  _

Dean calling his name, Dean’s harsh breaths, Dean’s hurried footsteps, Dean’s... the last thing Cas hears before he dies is Dean. 

_ One look, one handprint left on this human, one touch... and Cas' heart doesn't belong to him.  _

And he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise again. Don't hate me.


End file.
